I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
