glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
