This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
