..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
