She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
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