I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Randomize
