Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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