Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
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