Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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