The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
