This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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