Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Randomize
