it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
