The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
