I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
