Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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