When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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