dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
