did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
