Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Randomize
