walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I got inside last night via doggy door
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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