My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
