Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Randomize
