I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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