I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
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