happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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