Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
