Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Randomize
