Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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