I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
as a side note pls kill me
Please don't give away my fajitas
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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