I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
