That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
you have to choose: penises or morals?
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Randomize
