my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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