I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
