Tell her she can't have a vagina
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
