you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize
