she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
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