i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
So much rum. So many feels.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
