either way he was missing a nipple.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Randomize
