quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Randomize
