you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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