when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
