I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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