now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
