we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
pop tarts are not kleenex
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Randomize
