I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
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