Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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