I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
