I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
