I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
