his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
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