this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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