I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
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Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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