If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Randomize
