My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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