Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
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