Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have aggressive nipples.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
where are my pants?
in the oven.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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